Our Screwed Little Generation (HBBC)

Tags

relationships, anger, generations gap, sociology, bully, generations, behaviour

Welcome to The Half-Baked Bloggers Consortium. Today’s topic is “Our generation” chosen by me. Please take the time to view the members’ blogs just as you viewed mine in order to get different perspectives about the same topic.

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Disclaimer: This post might come off as offensive and/or generalizing but it’s really not. Some of the points mentioned are actually referring to myself.

Our generation was born into one that was mostly concerned about their version of materialistic stacks of priorities; like how to provide, make it easier for their kids and what to get in return. They reshuffled preferences, expected perfection regardless of how many ended up forgetting about the basics of upbringing kids which led to changing the whole entity of the next generation.

I’m not sure what led them to all this but I only noticed how the lifestyle they chose have shaped our own pattern. So here is some of my own hasty perceptions…

Everyone is so pissed off, that once you start talking to them, they make you feel like you’re pointing your gun to their heads. We grew so angry at everything, and everyone. But since it’s unconventional to express these kind of feelings, in the right direction cause we’re not allowed to face our demons, and since we want to get even with the world, we groove our anger and channel it elsewhere. E.g. those who’re consistently, obsessively angry at the state cause it’s easier to fight something that won’t fight back. Or those who radically rebel, cause they’ve been fed up of their lives with all the shackles that have been tying them down. Or those who just lose it and let it eat them alive.

People are created unique, every human is not like the other one. But for some unknown reason we’re urged to become copies of each others. We didnt have someone to tell us that we have to be who we are, all what our families cared about was “kalam l nas” and “l nas hat2ol eh”. And regardless of how we feel about it, we grow adapting to whatever and whoever says just to meet their expectations and fulfill their standards on how humans should be, and look like. Get into this school, live here, hang out there, wear this, talk like that, take this off, and get this state of art machine like everyone else, even if you don’t need it.

They wanted copies and they got copies, but they’re stuck in this maze with their double-standards, racing each other when non of them really know how to win.
We grow with double the responsibilities, zero experience. We have too much insecurities and issues and we got no one to understand. We have trust issues and more importantly we might find hard time trusting or believing in ourselves. Not to mention our constant disappointments by everything and everyone and how that led to a major despair and in some cases they lost the will to keep on living.

We got everything easy and we don’t wanna exert any kind of effort to learn or to educate ourselves. We were bullied into this college and bullied to work in this career but whenever we fail it’s an evil eye. We act all open-minded and transparent but we actually can’t practice any of it unless we agree. And that’s our ignorance that comes with arrogance.

Somehow everything got deformed and we stopped relating to the basics. We don’t know if whatever we’re doing is right anymore. We give in to bullying and are reluctant to fairness.
We’re screwed!

Read more HBBC topics here

Merit in Affliction

Reblogged from Zumaran:

When He opens a way for you and makes Himself known to you, then do not worry about your lack of deeds. He only opened the way for you because He desired to make Himself known to you. Do you not see that while He grants gnosis of Himself to you, you have only deeds to offer Him?

What He brings you - What you bring Him - What a difference there is between them!

Read more… 324 more words

The Lies We Tell Ourselves (HBBC)

Tags

corruption, Lie, self deception

Miss The Half-Baked Bloggers Consortium? Today’s topic is “Why Everyone Lies” chosen by Nema. Please take the time to view the members’ blogs just as you viewed mine in order to get different perspectives about the same topic.

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“As for self-deceit, most people find it as essential for survival as air.”  Dean Koontz

Image: Illustration by Richard Mia

As ugly as it might sound but we all tend to do it, some survive this trap catching themselves midway and some would live a long life indulging in this drug.

It can be as simple as rationalizing immoral behavior of your family instead of acknowledging the problem. Taking an abusive husband instead of standing up to how you should be treated.

Awkwardly handling a misbehaving kid and doing whatever they ask to avoid their reaction instead of admitting that you failed as parents. Curbing our feeling, cause lets not disturb the perfect image of family when we’re actually very messed up beyond repair.

Saying yes when we mean no. Tricking ourselves into ignoring what we should be doing. Being someone we’re not, lying about our abilities to win people or jobs.

Allowing our emotions to impact our actions. Reacting according to our expectations, letting our biases dictate our behaviors. Rationalizing our behavior, beliefs and our decision making.

Taking everything that has been told to us for granted just cause we’re too lazy to come up with our own version of reality.

Justifying our wrongdoing just because the obvious outcome makes more sense to us, or just to prove we have control.

Notice the pattern?

Sometimes it’s complementing to our egos and satisfying to our vanity. We love the rush that comes with being right. We also lie to ourselves to protect ourselves from some kind of danger, or avoid an expected risk. We lie to ourselves cause it make it easier to lie to other people. Or simply cause we don’t want to claim responsibilities. Let’s face it, humans just love it easy.

We master the art of delusion, cause we’d rather live in denial. That’s how our defensive mechanisms work, we take a fact and twist it cause we can’t take the truth, We’re not prepared to handle the reality.

Problem is we took self deception to a whole new level, we grew lying to ourselves about lying to ourselves. And when someone faces us with the truth we snap at them with anger and assertion, cause we like it buried in that little box.

If one doesn’t exert some effort to be true to themselves they will get caught up in this dangerous loop. That starts with a simple harmless lie and can go as serious as ruining lots of generations to come.

Read more HBBC topics here

Related Posts:

Go ahead and lie to me

Go ahead and lie to me – II 

Seeds of Patience - In the Light of Hikam Ibn 'Ataa Allah

Reblogged from Zumaran:

If something that is promised does not happen even though the time for it is set, do not doubt the promise! If you do, that will dim your inner eye and put out the light of your secret.

لا يُشَكِّكَنَّكَ فِي الوَعْدِ عَدَمُ وُقُوعِ الم وْعُودِ وَإنِ تَعَيَّنَ زَمَنُهُ؛ لِئَلاَّ يَكُونَ ذَلكِ قَدْحًا فِي بَصِيرَتكِ، وَإخِمَادًا لنِوُرِ سَرِيرَتكِ

It was almost a year ago, I went through a very rough patch, I had to go through an unbearable hardship, actually they were several ones, one after one.

Read more… 587 more words

زائف الجمال

Tags

beauty, eye of the beholder, racism

لماذا يحصرنا المجتمع و الناس في إطار ضيق عند الحديث عن الجمال و مقاييسه؟

مقاييس الجمال نسبيه فتختلف من بيئة لبيئة و من زمن لزمن، ما فضله العرب في الماضي من السمنه و الشعر الأسود الداكن، يختلف عن المقاييس الغربيه من النحافة أو الشعر الأصفر. و عن مقايس بعض قبائل أفريقيا من الرأس المحلوقة و السواد الحالك. عن العرب هذه الأيام من أول الشفاة الممتلئة إلي الحواجب المخيفة.

لماذا نقيد أنفسنا بما يراه الغير، ألسنا بشرا نمتلك القدره على تمييز الجمال؟

و ليست المقايس العامة وحدها التي تختلف و لكن الأذواق الفردية في المجتمع الواحد. فلا تفرض علي وجهة نظرك و لا  ترمقني نظرة قميئة لمجرد أني خلقت من طينة لا تعجبك أو لا تعجب مجتمعك. و حاول أن تتركني لشأني حين أقرر أن من يعجبك و يثير فتنة الجميع قد لا يعجبني و كن متأكدًا أن من لا ترى حسنة ربما كان جميلا في عين غيرك ممن قد لا يشاركك ذوقك.

و لكننا لسبب ما نحب الحكم الظاهري و التعميم في كل شئ و أحيانا المظاهر الخادعه.

إحترم الاختلاف فقد خلقنا الله ألوانا و أشكالا لسبب ما.

و في النهاية، كم من بيضاء فاتنه تاه جمالها في لحظة كشفها عما في داخلها و أسوأ الجوهر هو غرورها. و كم من سمراء لا يمكنك إدراك من أين يأتي حسنها و أروع السحر قد يكون تواضعها.

جمال الروح يهون عليك المصائب وجمال النفس يسهل لك المطالب وجمال العقل يحقق لك المكاسب وجمال الشكل يسبب لك المتاعب

Where Trust is Due – In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah

Tags

Allah, aphorisms, destiny, Good and evil, Hadith, Ibn Ata alah, Quran, Religion and Spirituality, sufism, trust

When Lord is doing the managing for us. What is written will happen, no matter how our planning and tactics might seem unconquerable, there are far stronger powers and barriers we can never subdue.

Aspiration which rushes on ahead cannot break through the walls of destiny.

سَوَابقِ الهِمَمِ لا تَخْرِقُ أَسْوَارَ الأقْدَار

The expression “walls of destiny” gives the impression of how invincible those barriers are. Your choices, aspirations, even your good or bad intentions can all be useless. If you’re reluctant to fate, you won’t be able to tear it down, not even with your planning armament.

“Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us: He is our protector” (9:51)

Even incapacity and dexterity. Weak aspiration which rushes on ahead cannot accomplish anything. It is the same for good and for evil.

“They cannot harm anyone by it, except with Allah’s permission,” (2:102)

The point here is to grasp the capacity of destiny, it stresses on the notion of fatalistic beliefs. How one should have a strong faith in Allah’s privileges The All Powerful, The Creator of All Power before anything and everything

But you will not will unless Allah wills.” (81:29)

Your striving for what is absolutely guaranteed to you and your laxness in what is required of you are evidence that your inner eye is dull.

اجْتهِادُكَ فيِمَا ضَمِنَ لَكَ، وَتَقْصِيرُكَ فِيمَا طَلَبَ مِنْكَ : دَليِلٌ عَلَى انْطِمَاسِ البصَيرَة مِنكْ

A no-brainer notion, yet it doesn’t cross our minds that often. Cause our inwards are occupied with the love of material beings and tempted by the tendency of being in control. How silly is it that we devote ourselves sticking around to get all means of livelihood; be it money, company, knowledge or even marriage. We exhaust our heads and weary our hearts worrying sick about what is already written, we seek what was already guaranteed and being taken care of by a higher power.

The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Everything is by the decree and destiny.”

Meanwhile we forget what we’re expected to do. We only like going on a vicious circle, thinking we’re protecting ourselves when it only wastes our life and we end up being lost and ungrateful slaves.

We read in at-Tanwir, “Know that things are either censured or praised by what they lead you to. Blameworthy management is that which distracts you from Allah, makes you fail to rise to serve Allah and impairs your conduct with Allah. Praiseworthy management is that which leads you to nearness to Allah and connects you to His pleasure.” 

Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.

Un-plan Your Life – In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah

Tags

Allah, aphorisms, destiny, disappointments, hardships, Ibn Ata alah, managing, planning, Quran, sufism

Give yourself a rest from managing!  When Someone Else is doing it for you, don’t you start doing it for yourself!

أَرِحْ نَفْسَكَ مِنَ التَّدْبيِرِ، فَمَا قَامَ بهِ غَيرُ كَ عَنكَ لا تَقُم بهِ لنِفسك

Planning is overrated. But that wasn’t what I’ve always thought; I’m a control freak, always have been. It took me too many disappointments to realize that it’s just dull to want to be in control of something that is totally unattainable.

Somehow our own managing and planning (needless to say dreaming) all tend to conform to our inclinations and our hearts’ favor. But ironically, sometimes what we want might not be meant for us, or even better, might not be good news for us.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (2:216)

Have you ever had a bad experience that turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to you? How often do the hardships we go through turn out to be a threshold of an unforeseen fortune? Take a closer look at some famous bright people’s lives and how hardships shaped their brilliance. Take Milton the blind poet, Beethoven the deaf musician, Taha Hussain and Al Akkad. That didn’t happen just because, their hardships were the reason they took that fruitful path.

Sahl ibn ‘Abdullah said, “Leave management and choice. They trouble people in their livelihood.“

If we insist on planning everything, disregarding what’s written and stopping our reliance on Allah, if we get completely involved with management. In time that attitude piles up malaise and resentment towards the world. Cause one exerts a great deal of effort building their own vision of the world, preparing themselves only to get disappointed when things don’t go the way they wished for. In time they exhaust their own sanity, stop striving and waste their lives away. That’s why misguided relaying on shaky planning somehow contradicts with monotheism, with fatalism, and thus can fail one’s faith.

Meanwhile, it’s permissible and only healthy for one to manage on a decent worldly scale, a scale that insures no contradictions with the entrusting will and accommodating to whatever fate emerges without relying on that planning.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: How excellent is the case of a faithful servant! There is good for him in everything and this is not the case with anyone except him. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently.

No one knows what the future will bring, that’s the first lesson we learn the hard way in this world. If Allah made it easier for us, why don’t we cease our tiresome, set back and put our trust in him, that whatever is coming will be for our own sake. All we have to do is to believe and trust that good comes in different forms, even with the worst afflictions, even if you don’t see this good with your bare eyes. The point is all bout your firm belief in him, to rest assured and trust in him.

Shaykh ash-Shadhili said, “If you must manage, then manage to not manage. It is said that whoever does not manage is managed.”

When Lord is doing the managing for us. What is written will happen, no matter how our planning and tactics might seem unconquerable, there are far stronger powers and barriers we can never subdue.

Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.

Hope and Fear – In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah

Tags

Allah, aphorisms, Gnosis, Hadith, Ibn Ata alah, Janna, Quran, sufism

This post was written in the light of The aphorisms of Ibn ‘Ataa Allah, those aphorisms are so eye opening, they have the capacity to put one in a certain state of mind from the very first page. I thought I shouldn’t miss documenting my over-bursting thoughts and epiphanies in the process before they go missing.

My writings are not a translation or an explanation, regardless of how they might seem. They are merely my reflections based on my own standpoint. 

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مِنْ عَلاَمَةِ الاعْتمِاد عَلَى العَمَلِ نُقْصَانُ الرَّجَاءِ عِنْدَ وُجُودِ الزَّلَلِ .

 One of the signs of relying on one’s own deeds is the loss of hope when a downfall occurs

We should not rely merely on our deeds for salvation. We shouldn’t not take the magnitude of what we’re doing as a sign of nearness to the lord. No one will ascend your faith but Allah. Nothing will lead you to Janna but Allah’s grace, not your deeds, not your doing.

The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,
“None of you will be saved by his actions?”
“Not even you, Messenger of Allah?” they asked.
“Not even me,” he replied, “unless Allah envelopes me with his mercy.”

We shouldn’t pour our trust on our righteous actions but rather on Lord who is the reason why we’re able to perform them. Cause that’s a rather more stable ground to stand on. Our reliance on our work alone makes our faith so feeble, cause we would stumble, we could slip into disobedience, or get our faith languished. Non of us is infallible, we’re humans after all.

Our dependence on such a soft gesture will lead us to diminish our trust in allah’s mercy, and might lead us to despair. And vice versa, when one trust their deeds they’re likely to think at some point that they’re satisfied with their actions, their arrogance might as well mislead their steps towards him. That would open a vicious door; that we only worship allah just for the sake of the prize, like it’s a swap bargain.

In fact our actions are not the reason for our redemption. Your deeds are insignificant, your work in essence is a gesture of gratitude to the creator, not for the reward, it’s because we were ordered to do them. Let me put it simpler, for example — and to Allah belongs the utmost example of perfection. If you love a person and you like them to stay in your life wouldn’t you try to abide to their likings? Wouldn’t you get them gifts just because? Why do you obey your parents if they’re always going to be your parents? Why do you please your kids if they will always be your kids? You’re not waiting for a prize or a reward, you just do that out of love.

Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him who despite knowing that he was infallible and the state that awaits him, still prayed during the night until his feet were swollen. When Lady Aiysha may Allah be pleased with her asked why he prayed so much despite knowing that Allah has forgiven his past and future less than ideal deeds he replied:
“Should I not be a thankful servant?”

The keywords here are fear and hope, fear of Allah and hope in his mercy. The recipe is as simple as this; with relying on Allah, with being pretentious enough to hold onto a good thought of him. With asking him for his mercy, your faith gets stronger, you tighten your relationship with Allah and you fuel the hope. And with the act of worshiping, with disregarding what you’re going to get in return, with the mere intention of worshiping him out of love, that tightens your relationship with him as well and emphasizes fear of Allah the greatest. That’s how you put them both in balance. and that’s the attitude of the knower of Allah, as the author stated.

Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.

A Letter To God

The Hider of Faults,
I grow taking it personally every time something bad happens to me, that you’re punishing me. I don’t know what have I done. I reckon every little step I ever took, but maybe that’s the problem. My side of our relationship now is more about fear; I’m scared of everything I choose to do cause I know I’ll be punished for it, and I doubt every little thing I do. I get scared of my humane nature, of my unintended mistakes, that I know for sure will be more reason for my agony.

The Giver of All,
Recently all my prayers lack any kind of hope or greed (you’ve asked for it) for that matter. I know it’s wrong, but something in me can’t hope for the best for the fear that this very little best will never come true, for the fear of the perception that I don’t deserve to have any. I didn’t ask for much, I rather begged for you to give me a tiny light, a sign, anything to calm my turmoil. Maybe I’m only destined to suffer.

The All-Aware,
How would I keep my faith steady when every time I start having it restored, it flips and starts backfiring. How could I believe when every time I start putting my feet on the ground, something pulls me down once again until my bones went weary and my skin got all stained with the blood of the wounds that never heal. I’m too weak, I can’t endure any more suffering. I reached my very limit long time ago.

The Watchful One,
I let go of everything I ever knew. I let go of my needs, of my logic, of my dreams, of everything I possessed, for you to decide how everything should work. I let go of the fears of the future cause it’s only in your hands to steer. And even then I feel you are still not pleased. I get no sign. I feel unheard.

The Just,
You let people wrong me, and wrong me even more, then leave them unpunished. How would I aim for justice when I see this. How am I supposed to keep my faith strong, when everything and everyone just leave me weak and rusty.

The Knower of All,
The things I long doubted are clearer now, only to put me even lower, only to strand me in the middle of nowhere. New questions emerged though, I don’t know what’s fair, what’s true, what I deserve or what I have to do anymore. My ignorance is overwhelming and my mind paralyzes in the light of all the events I never expect.

The Perfectly Wise,
You give me yet another day to live, I don’t want it. When is that gonna end, if any of it gonna end at all? When will you make me feel heard? What am I supposed to do, Hearer of All, when you’re the only refuge I’ve got. When no human can save me, they only harm me, and you just deprived me your light.

The Humiliator,
I’m consumed. I’m now broken, and used. I’m only a shadow of someone who used to exist. Take my soul, The Subduer, that for sure would be a better use of it.

The Paradox of Something Called Life

Tags

Great Depression, nonsense, paradox, Sleep disorder

Riddle me this, if someone can sleep their nights soundly knowing they did the right thing. But in another part of the world, another person is out there and happened to lose count of the nights they’re crying their hearts to sleep, because of the agony this former someone caused them, by taking the very same decision, having a clear conscience, making the so called “right” thing (or so they think).

I wonder, how is that working out for them? How righteous and fair is that making them feel? How little do they care about it as long as it keeps them sleep at night? How often do we think about all the tears and the pain we might be causing?

What exactly is the point of having a freewill if every time you make a choice, no matter how right it might feel, you end up making another mistake, you bring yourself the heartache. Yet whatever was written always wins eventually. If predestination is all mapped up and fate is gonna lurk eventually I don’t see any point of my own steering.

Hopefullness pains my heart, it weights my shoulder. I refuse to wait for things to magically solve themselves out. I try my best to accept life as it is. But the more I try the more it daunts me; why can’t anything be better, why everything is so damn complicated? Why can’t I wish for a better morning when mine is below average at best? I’m not looking forward for something fancy or unattainable I just want reasonable. And wishing for reasonable is a luxury I can’t afford. Cause let’s be realistic, nothing normal or reasonable ever happens to me and I won’t live a life hoping.

I guess it’s better wondering why anything is happening than die wishing for things that would never change.

Why do people look for happy endings? It baffles me, cause I always watch out for them, I rather look for sad twisted ones just to feel ok about my life. It’s like I need a tiny something to relate to, a little proof that some people are like me, suffering.

Happy endings make me cry, wail. They make me resent living and just leave me wishing for the fastest way out.

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The one time I believed, the one time I was hopeful. When I was looking forward to my happy ending, when I had the freewill and made the right decision, it was the cherry on top of my shitty life, because I met someone who actually cared for a change.