The Hider of Faults,
I grow taking it personally every time something bad happens to me, that you’re punishing me. I don’t know what have I done. I reckon every little step I ever took, but maybe that’s the problem. My side of our relationship now is more about fear; I’m scared of everything I choose to do cause I know I’ll be punished for it, and I doubt every little thing I do. I get scared of my humane nature, of my unintended mistakes, that I know for sure will be more reason for my agony.
The Giver of All,
Recently all my prayers lack any kind of hope or greed (you’ve asked for it) for that matter. I know it’s wrong, but something in me can’t hope for the best for the fear that this very little best will never come true, for the fear of the perception that I don’t deserve to have any. I didn’t ask for much, I rather begged for you to give me a tiny light, a sign, anything to calm my turmoil. Maybe I’m only destined to suffer.
How would I keep my faith steady when every time I start having it restored, it flips and starts backfiring. How could I believe when every time I start putting my feet on the ground, something pulls me down once again until my bones went weary and my skin got all stained with the blood of the wounds that never heal. I’m too weak, I can’t endure any more suffering. I reached my very limit long time ago.
The Watchful One,
I let go of everything I ever knew. I let go of my needs, of my logic, of my dreams, of everything I possessed, for you to decide how everything should work. I let go of the fears of the future cause it’s only in your hands to steer. And even then I feel you are still not pleased. I get no sign. I feel unheard.
You let people wrong me, and wrong me even more, then leave them unpunished. How would I aim for justice when I see this. How am I supposed to keep my faith strong, when everything and everyone just leave me weak and rusty.
The Knower of All,
The things I long doubted are clearer now, only to put me even lower, only to strand me in the middle of nowhere. New questions emerged though, I don’t know what’s fair, what’s true, what I deserve or what I have to do anymore. My ignorance is overwhelming and my mind paralyzes in the light of all the events I never expect.
The Perfectly Wise,
You give me yet another day to live, I don’t want it. When is that gonna end, if any of it gonna end at all? When will you make me feel heard? What am I supposed to do, Hearer of All, when you’re the only refuge I’ve got. When no human can save me, they only harm me, and you just deprived me your light.
I’m consumed. I’m now broken, and used. I’m only a shadow of someone who used to exist. Take my soul, The Subduer, that for sure would be a better use of it.