My mum asks me few times a day (religiously, without missing any chance) “what’s wrong with you?”, I always make up an answer, and it’s always related to my illness. I lie, because I don’t know what else to tell her. She can’t seem to grasp the fact that I’m depressed.
Finally, I got sick of this question and I told her that it’s my regular face now. You think then she’d drop it, but no, she never does.
Thing my mum would never realize, not in a million years, that I’m stuck, I’m stuck in this life, I’m trapped in these consequences. I’ve always been tangled in others’ recklessness or choices, I’m haunted by things I can’t seem to get off my head.
I see people look happy, and I’m not sure, do they really feel that way? Would I ever feel the same way? Could my brain be easily fooled by what I might falsely inject? Should these traps let go of me?
I prayed a lot of salvation but since my prayers are not the answer, I don’t even dream about having it to stop, not anymore. I’m ok with having to suffer but would I ever be at least at peace within my agony?
Could I ever go on a single day sans my mum’s question? Would that be too much not to be reminded of the misfortune, not to mention, being forced to lie about it?