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Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.
02 Monday May 2016
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Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.
02 Monday May 2016
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Allah, aphorisms, faith, hardships, Ibn Ata alah, patience, Prayer, Quran, Religion and Spirituality, sufism
If something that is promised does not happen even though the time for it is set, do not doubt the promise! If you do, that will dim your inner eye and put out the light of your secret.
لا يُشَكِّكَنَّكَ فِي الوَعْدِ عَدَمُ وُقُوعِ الم وْعُودِ وَإنِ تَعَيَّنَ زَمَنُهُ؛ لِئَلاَّ يَكُونَ ذَلكِ قَدْحًا فِي بَصِيرَتكِ، وَإخِمَادًا لنِوُرِ سَرِيرَتكِ
It was almost a year ago, I went through a very rough patch, I had to go through an unbearable hardship, actually they were several ones, one after one. I had the world on my shoulder weighing very heavily over my existence and blanketing my entity and I had nothing to lose. And so, I never stopped praying and asking for a salvation.
And I woke up within days only to find it, I had everything I ever wanted just overnight.
But sadly that didn’t last for long, everything was taken back from me, and I got back from having everything to having nothing at all, again. But this time it was harder, I couldn’t bear the idea that I had all that I wanted only for it to slip through my fingers, just like that.
I had my share of shaky faith, I kept asking myself why would allah give it to me when he will take it back? What did I do to deserve it? What exactly would that append but the pain?
I kept on praying, like I did before.
And I got nothing.
And the whys kept showering on me, non-stop.
For a while I felt unheard.
It got me angry at everything.
And it made me stop praying for a while.
I had my strength consumed, my light dimmed, and I had my heart blind folded.
But then a friend of mine shared this aphorism..
If you make intense supplication and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire
لا يَكُنْ تَأَخُّرُ أَمَدِ العَطَاءِ مَعَ الإلحَاحِ فِي الدُّعَاءِ مُوجِبًا ليِأْسِكَ، فَهُوَ الذي ضمنَ لَكَ الإِجَابَةَ فيِمَا يَخْتَارُ لَكَ لا فيِمَا تَخْتَارُ لنِفْسِكَ، وَفِي الوَقْتِ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ لا فِي الوَقْتِ الَّذِي تُرِيدُ
I swear this was like CPR, a life saver, something just revived my soul. I needed that very exact notion to be known to me.
I had to make some thinking afterwards. I needed to put a little more trust in Allah, I needed to know he’s keeping a certain thing for the right time, I needed to stop wanting cause it doesn’t matter what I want or hope for.
He will answer, if not today, it might be tomorrow. If not tomorrow it might be a week from now, a month, or even a year. I stopped choosing for myself, cause every time I did, it tended to fail me, I didn’t have any other option left. I came to the realization that I needed to seize whatever he chooses now for me, and just let him steer and make turns for my life.
I won’t deny it is not easy, it needs constant reminding, it needs deep certitude. It pains me at times, the waiting for that tomorrow that he alone knows when and if it will come at all. At some point I wish I could drown in a sea of certainty for a change, and that desperation might drive me to making some mistakes. But then I remember this verse
“Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” (39:10)
And then I know it will never be in vain.
I still didn’t get my answers, I still have nothing to lose. Nothing but that hope in allah, that he will not leave my side. That he would grant me what I need, eventually, like he chooses, when he chooses and I’ll be there to receive my inevitable answer happily.
“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive.” (2:45)
So tell me, have you ever felt this way before?
Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.
02 Monday May 2016
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The statement of how lord makes himself known to a certain person is so profound and so beautiful. How gracious of him to opt a person out of billions, is worth some pondering upon.
Allah opens a way to know him; this happens in times of illness, or affliction, the author explained. Meanwhile, when a person finds themselves in a scary place they tend to mistake those hardships for punishments from God, but they ought to receive it with appreciation. Cause the reason of opening that door to a certain person is usually for the mere notion of nearness.
One should let themselves experience his grace in times of afflictions. We should embrace the hardships cause they may be a way to know, and be known to allah, even if this comes between one being able to do more deeds. Hence, the duaa
“O Allah, grant reward in my calamity and grant in its place a good substitute”
Your deeds and actions of worship are not the only window to get to know him — and that doesn’t mean disordering him willingly of course. Allah may grant you gifts of gnosis, knowledge, life lessons, realizations or epiphanies. When he shorten the distance between his favorite slaves, he leaves their soul cleansed and purified. Thus with opening that door one gets the same nearness he strives for.
One of the Salaf, Shurayh Al-Qadhi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“If I am afflicted with a calamity, I praise Allâh for it four times:
I praise Him because it wasn’t worse than it was, I praise Him when He gives me the patience to bear it, I praise Him for enabling me to say al-istirja’ (‘To Allâh we belong and to him we will return’; see Al-Baqarah: 154-156) in hope of a great reward, and I praise Him for not making it a calamity in my religion.”
Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.
02 Monday May 2016
Posted Lifestyle
inI walked by my mother watching TV soap opera to find some girl with messy natural hair, I was impressed by her confidence and my first comment was that’s exactly what every every women embrace. And my mum’s reply was that she’s the low class, a maid or something and that’s why she dresses her hair like that.
I was pissed, pissed at the messages they try to send us; whatever you do you’ll look polished if you’re a high-class.
Life is not easy but we grow up thinking it is and everything around us never fail to dictate the same concept.
Why would TV soap operas portray the perfect families, why would hair product commercials with that straight hair, beauty magazines only give us the the impression how magically their products would “fix” our flaws, the lotion ads with the woman magically turning into a a movie star, that all men chase. The deodorant and the sexy guy model and how he grabs all girls attention and turn them on.
I once hated my hair for not being that straight, I despised my fizzles in the favor of these idea lurking at the back of my brain. I didn’t want to give good care of my own skin or hair just because I was angry at my imperfections.
I blame them for our high expectations.
02 Monday May 2016
Posted Lifestyle
in14 Friday Sep 2012
Posted life, marriage, men, relationships, Social study, survey
inI had to closely witness marriage failure experiences (of a special nature) with some close friends of mine, and the more they talk about what happened, the more I could see a clearer picture of how guys are like these days, and the first vivid unraveled knot was guy’s irresponsibility, and how they seem to chicken out at the face of hardships. It breaks my heart how women couldn’t see that about their partners earlier, and to be honest I would have fallen for this trap if I were them. That’s what inspired this research.
I wanted to dig deeper, I wanted to see how guys see themselves, how they perceive responsibility, what they see when it comes to others. I wanted to see the double standards, the hypocrisy and the major slips of families and what they did to their sons, cause apparently it seems like it’s very rare these days to see an Egyptian family that ceases to raise a wuss. I want to know how to spot an irresponsible guy before getting any attached to him, I want girls to learn this skill. And that’s why I started this survey.
——–
Anyway, without any further ado, here is the answers I got…
Total survey takers are 50
Marital status:
Age:
Do you want/have kids? If yes, how many?
2 kids | 20 (what did I miss?) |
3 kids | 9 |
1 kid | 5 |
4~5 kids | 3 |
7 kids | 1 |
12 kids | 1 |
Don’t want kids | 1 |
Not sure if he would want any | 1 |
Are you capable of raising enough money for your family?
Yes | 42 |
No | 7 |
How do you feel about the working wife?
I’m ok, whatever she wants | 10 | 20% |
I’m ok, as long as she’ll help me with the family expenses | 3 | 6% |
I’m ok, as long as her work won’t come between her duties as a wife | 28 | 56% |
I’m not ok | 4 | 8% |
Other interesting answers:
Would you like your wife to help with the financial stuff to raise the lifestyle of your family?
Yes | 22 |
No | 20 |
Maybe | 2 |
Whatever she wants/If she wants | 4 |
Other interesting answers:
What do you expect from your wife?
Love and intimacy | 46 | 92% |
Understanding and moral support | 48 | 96% |
Helping with financial support | 7 | 14% |
Upbringing and full responsibility to your kids | 27 | 54% |
House chores (cooking – cleaning – laundry) | 34 | 68% |
Other interesting answers:
What are you expected to do as a husband?
Love and intimacy | 42 | 86% |
Understanding and moral support | 48 | 98% |
Full financial support | 45 | 92% |
Helping upbringing the kids | 45 | 92% |
Providing safety and security to the family | 46 | 94% |
Other interesting answers:
His relationship/bond with his family | 11 |
His relationships with god/religious | 2 |
Work | 5 |
His reputation between his friends | 2 |
His reactions under stress or pressure | 4 |
The man of actions not words | 3 |
Being honest and clear | 2 |
Left it blank | 15 |
Didn’t give an answer | 2 |
Other interesting answers:
How often do you meet responsible people in your life?
Do you think you’re responsible? *
Yes | 12 |
No | 2 |
From a scale 1 to 10 how responsible do you think you are?
1 – |
Very Irresposnible
|
0 | 0% |
2 | 0 | 0% | |
3 | 0 | 0% | |
4 | 1 | 2% | |
5 | 1 | 2% | |
6 | 2 | 4% | |
7 | 9 | 18% | |
8 | 14 | 28% | |
9 | 6 | 12% | |
10 – |
Very responsble
|
3 | 6% |
Now question for the readers, what did you read out of those answers? Can you detect any problems?
*I had this question as a yes/no format for couple of days with 14 takers and then had to change it (to the following format) for more accuracy.
26 Sunday Feb 2012
Posted Heroes, marriage, true story
inThey sit every other morning at the same spot, having breakfast. The man grabs his newspaper and the woman just stares at the big window, admiring the morning sun bathing the greenery at the back yard.
Sometimes they do some catching up, other times he would crack a joke so she would laugh, or drop a comment so she would smile and break this ‘boring’ silence.
As static as this scene might seem, yet it grabbed his attention, the young man working as a receptionist at the elderly house. He noticed how the grey-haired handsome man never misses a visit, he’s always there on time, and barely seems tired or bothered.
One day, the receptionist stopped the old man on his way out. He asked with keen eyes about how come he would never miss a visit; it was worse for someone his age with a wife suffering from Alzheimer who barely can remember him to begin with.
The old man smiled at him and said “She might not remember me at her worst, but I do remember her at her best. I do remember our days together and I will still cherish her till death do us part”
22 Wednesday Feb 2012
Tags
advice to single people, challenge, divorce, keeping marriage, luck, Marriage survey, reality check, Stephen Covey
Married slice – Part I | Married slice – Part II
THEY SAY MARRIAGE IS LIKE A WATERMELON. DO YOU AGREE? HOW SO?
9 didn’t agree – 6 of them agreed that there is signs prior to marriage
8 (3 males+5 females) agreed
interesting answer:
YES I do. especialy if you didn’t exert enough effort to dig deeply and think thoroughly about the behaviour of your spouse and her/his family and its indicaitons.. This needs patience and alertness.
WHAT DO THINK ARE THE REASONS WHY DIVORCE RATES ARE VERY HIGH THESE DAYS?
Interesting answers:
Males
Females
WHEN DO YOU KNOW MARRIAGE DOES NOT WORK ANYMORE?
6 (3 male+3 female) think bad communication
2 (females) think when love and/or respect disappear
2 weren’t decisive.
Other interesting answers:
DO YOU BELIEVE THERE ARE PRE-MARRIAGE FAILURE INDICATIONS? EXPLAIN.
12 said yes
1 said no male
1 were indecisive
Interesting answers:
KEEPING A MARRIAGE IS QUITE A CHALLENGE, WHAT KEEPS THE MARRIAGE GOING?
7 (1 male+6 females) think it’s love/hope/the will to be together
7 (2 males+5 females) think it’s understanding
3 (1 male+2 females) communication
5 (3 male+2 female)think it’s kids
5 (all female) think it’s forgiveness/scarification
2 (1 male+1 female) think it’s good sex
2 (all female) think it’s honesty/trust
Other interesting answers:
IF YOU HAVE AN ADVICE TO GIVE TO SINGLE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED, WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
Males answers:
Female friends:
22 Wednesday Feb 2012
Tags
disappointments, dream partner, expectations, experience, love, Marriage survey, reality check, sex
Now it’s time for the final slice of the survey takers: Married
Married slice – Part I | Married slice – Part II
Married takers: 18 (7 male+11 female) 35% of the total takers
Nationality: 16 Egyptians, 1 German and 1 Romanian
Age:
Here are the questions they took..
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?
Less than a year 2 (1 male+1 female)
1-2 years 3 females
3-5 years 7 (2 males+5 females)
6-10 years 4 (3 males+1 females)
More than 10 years 2 (1 male+1 female)
HOW DID YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER?
10 said they’re colleagues (school/college/work)
6 said via family or friends
2 said from the INTERNET
WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOUR PARTNER IS YOUR DREAM GUY/GIRL?
10 said yes (3 males+7 females)
5 said no (3 males+2 females)
2 gave indecisive answers (sometimes/maybe) (1 male+ 1 female)
interesting answers:
HOW DID YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE BEFORE TAKING THE STEP, AND HOW DO YOU THINK OF IT NOW?
Male answers:
Female answers:
DID THAT IDEA CHANGE WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE? WERE YOU IN ANY WAY DISAPPOINTED?
5 (3 males+2 females) said they were disappointed
10 (4 males+6 females) said they were not disappointed
Interesting answer:
IF YOU CAN GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU DODGE? WHAT WOULD YOU REDO? WHY?
9 (4 males+5 females) said they won’t dodge anything
5 would like to change/dodge somethings:
HOW CRUCIAL IS LOVE TO MARRIAGE?
8 (3 male+5 female) said it’s important
4 (1 male+3 female) said it’s important along with many other things
1 female said not important
1 male wasn’t decisive
Interesting answers:
WHAT WERE YOUR REASONS FOR GETTING MARRIED? AND WHY THIS PERSON?
8 (all females) said love was one or main reason
3 said stability or/and having kids
2 said they want companionship and happiness
2 (males) said social reasons
2 (1 male+1 female) said they find an understanding partner
1 said religious reasons
why him/her:
ARE/WERE YOU SATISFIED WITH YOUR SEXUAL LIFE?
10 (4 males+6 females) said yes
5 (2 males+3 females) said no
2 females were indecisive
I dont have one. Since i lost my love 4 him i cant imagine a sexual relationship with him
To be continued
19 Sunday Feb 2012
Time for the divorced slice of the survey. It’s minor in size compared to the whole survey takers, but I’m sure it’s major in terms of life and marriage lessons it considers and provides.
The divorced represent 6% of the whole takers:
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?
We have diversity:
HOW DID YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER?
2 gave traditional ways
Interesting answer:
1st – neighbor
2nd – work
3rd – friend
4th – arranged marriage
WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOUR PARTNER WAS YOUR DREAM GUY/GIRL?
HOW DID YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE BEFORE TAKING THE STEP, AND HOW DO YOU THINK OF IT NOW?
DID THAT IDEA CHANGE WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE? WERE YOU IN ANY WAY DISAPPOINTED?
They’re all Disappointed.
IF YOU CAN GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU DODGE? WHAT WOULD YOU REDO? WHY?
HOW CRUCIAL IS LOVE TO MARRIAGE?
They all agreed that love is very crucial.
WHAT WERE YOUR REASONS FOR GETTING MARRIED? AND WHY THIS PERSON?
WERE YOU SATISFIED WITH YOUR SEXUAL LIFE?
They were not.
THEY SAY MARRIAGE IS LIKE A WATERMELON. DO YOU AGREE? HOW SO?
They all agreed.
Interesting answers:
WHAT DO THINK ARE THE REASONS WHY DIVORCE RATES ARE VERY HIGH THESE DAYS?
WHEN DO YOU KNOW MARRIAGE DOES NOT WORK ANYMORE?
Interesting answers:
DO YOU BELIEVE THERE ARE PRE-MARRIAGE FAILURE INDICATIONS? EXPLAIN.
One believes it doesn’t work that way every time.
2 said yes and their elaboration:
KEEPING A MARRIAGE IS QUITE A CHALLENGE, WHAT KEEPS THE MARRIAGE GOING?
IF YOU HAVE AN ADVICE TO GIVE TO SINGLE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED, WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
Interesting answers: