I had to closely witness marriage failure experiences (of a special nature) with some close friends of mine, and the more they talk about what happened, the more I could see a clearer picture of how guys are like these days, and the first vivid unraveled knot was guy’s irresponsibility, and how they seem to chicken out at the face of hardships. It breaks my heart how women couldn’t see that about their partners earlier, and to be honest I would have fallen for this trap if I were them. That’s what inspired this research.
I wanted to dig deeper, I wanted to see how guys see themselves, how they perceive responsibility, what they see when it comes to others. I wanted to see the double standards, the hypocrisy and the major slips of families and what they did to their sons, cause apparently it seems like it’s very rare these days to see an Egyptian family that ceases to raise a wuss. I want to know how to spot an irresponsible guy before getting any attached to him, I want girls to learn this skill. And that’s why I started this survey.
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Anyway, without any further ado, here is the answers I got…
Total survey takers are 50
Marital status:
Age:
Do you want/have kids? If yes, how many?
| 2 kids | 20 (what did I miss?) |
| 3 kids | 9 |
| 1 kid | 5 |
| 4~5 kids | 3 |
| 7 kids | 1 |
| 12 kids | 1 |
| Don’t want kids | 1 |
| Not sure if he would want any | 1 |
Are you capable of raising enough money for your family?
| Yes | 42 |
| No | 7 |
How do you feel about the working wife?
| I’m ok, whatever she wants | 10 | 20% |
| I’m ok, as long as she’ll help me with the family expenses | 3 | 6% |
| I’m ok, as long as her work won’t come between her duties as a wife | 28 | 56% |
| I’m not ok | 4 | 8% |
Other interesting answers:
- It depends on the nature of her work, it can never come between her duties, yet i want my wife to be socially active & socially responsible, and this can be achieved by many other ways other than having a full time job
- Being mother however i think the best work for her is raising kids which I think the most difficult thing in the world
- We’re a team we have to discuss and arrange duties, income and expenses
- I’m ok, in fact she’s the one who don’t want to work and I’m against it
Would you like your wife to help with the financial stuff to raise the lifestyle of your family?
| Yes | 22 |
| No | 20 |
| Maybe | 2 |
| Whatever she wants/If she wants | 4 |
Other interesting answers:
- Generally No , but you never know life.
- I will try to do it myself, but if we share something like a house or a car, it will be okay.
- Ideally she won’t spend a penny on the house, in real extreme cases though that might be necessary.
- If she wants something I do not agree to buy. (Married)
What do you expect from your wife?
| Love and intimacy | 46 | 92% |
| Understanding and moral support | 48 | 96% |
| Helping with financial support | 7 | 14% |
| Upbringing and full responsibility to your kids | 27 | 54% |
| House chores (cooking – cleaning – laundry) | 34 | 68% |
Other interesting answers:
- Financial support is not one of her main responsibility but if she helped when we need, I will be grateful.
- Sex.
- 5 Made sure to stress on the notion that house chores or kids are not the woman’s responsibility alone:
- Responsibility of kids and house chores are shared responsibilities, she is more responsible in such aspects by human nature though. let’s say it’s a 49-51% making her house her kingdom and her opinion in kids’ upbringing away from moral dilemmas take precedence.
- House chores are responsibility of both of them, although something like cooking might be fully on the shoulders of the wife unless the man is into that, but in general it should not be taken for granted that she takes this responsibility of all house chores on her own
What are you expected to do as a husband?
| Love and intimacy | 42 | 86% |
| Understanding and moral support | 48 | 98% |
| Full financial support | 45 | 92% |
| Helping upbringing the kids | 45 | 92% |
| Providing safety and security to the family | 46 | 94% |
Other interesting answers:
- I think it will be fun to help her cooking as I already told her and may be helping her in cleaning,why not? i think it will make our relationship more strong and will make her feel more safe.
- Set Regulations, Provide Support to her Duties. Help Around.
- Sex
How would you advice a girl to spot a responsible man?
| His relationship/bond with his family | 11 |
| His relationships with god/religious | 2 |
| Work | 5 |
| His reputation between his friends | 2 |
| His reactions under stress or pressure | 4 |
| The man of actions not words | 3 |
| Being honest and clear | 2 |
| Left it blank | 15 |
| Didn’t give an answer | 2 |
Other interesting answers:
- He will contact her family direct with no games about i need to meet you first bla, bla bla,….
- He will tell her everything about his life. He should also have enough money to start his life with her.( of course, i do not mean 500,000 EGP , i meant money which will make them able to live)
- Being known among his colleagues, friends and/or family, as a responsible man.
- Nothing in particular, Responsible men would match -mostly- with wise, responsible yet hyper-active girls.
- Understanding her. and her feeling of security . affection . full support . a good listener.
- Islamically: If you accept his Moral’s and Religion (from both philosophical and practical points of view) marry him.
- Observe him driving his car. his reaction in tense situations. how much he controls his anger.
- you can’t spot it, you’ll have to know him for some time, it shows up during the period of getting to know each other/engagement.
- Self made man would be great for her.
- he does not have to be rich or with a good well paying job to responsible. as long as he is willing to do what ever it takes to make you and your kids as happy as possible with out the help of anybody then yeah that is one responsible guy.
- I guess you can never judge by words only, and acts can easily be deceiving before real commitment.
- Well, if he has muscles this does not imply he is responsible, looks won’t help make you a happy wife, that’s all I can say.Ignore the showy, go for the kind ones who have a case or a passion.
- Do not rely on words only, passionate love does not necessarily means responsibility, a real life test can easily reveal if a man is responsible or not.
- How this man perceive friendship, is it having fun & spending good times, or it’s a constructive, two-ways communication, understanding, and support.
- A BIG NO if this person takes the honeycomb of things, and leaves the ship when things go wrong.
- How this man feels about his society, and the whole word, does he assume even a tiny responsibility for whatever is going wrong with his society, and the whole world?!, if so, how he reacts, if he doesn’t then he’s not positive, and that’s a BIG warning sign, if he does react to it by any means as in any means, then you do have a responsible man between your hands, how responsible he is on the scale, you can tell by how he reacts, in terms of magnitude and consistency, and men by nature are easily motivated by women, so if you have a good material of a responsible man between your hands, if he’s 6 on scale of 10, he can go up to 8 & 9.
- Does he want kids?!, how he views the role of men in bringing up the kids, if he thinks of it as only financial support = (BIG warning sign).
Define responsibility?
- Doing what must be done for the welfare and security of his small kingdom blatantly disregarding anything else. Responsibility in a relationship is simply being serious about it, a careless man will not take a relationship seriously and therefore he won’t handle responsibility, this becomes obvious after having kids.
- Responsibility is the act of taking actions to solve, help, support or doing daily or strategic decision with the knowledge that any consequences are going to be on your shoulders and must be in the best interest of everyone that you are caring for.
- Acting as required without being asked to.
- Responsibility is what happens when you do the things no one else can do, and someone must do. If you don’t step up to these kinds of duties, you’re not responsible.
- Taking charge.
- Responsibility is the awareness of (before you put yourself in a certain role/position like a husband/manager, etc., you have to take on your shoulders the burden of it, the responsibilities of it, and be aware that by assuming this role in life there is (and even if not said by words) an implicit promise that you’ll provide security, understanding, moral support for all the people who will be dependent on you), so regardless of the situation, being there body & soul is not an option, as long as people are fully aware of that, and accept it, go on, cause if you did your part, you’re not gonna only feel happy, and gain the pleasure of whatever your role is, but you’ll gain the love, trust, and support of other people who will understand and truly value what you are doing.
- Paying attention and providing help, care and understanding to the people around you, doing your best and fulfilling your duties .. or in other words: “a man is gotta do what a man is gotta do.”
- Knowing the duties of yourself and fulfill it in the proper way as expected from you.
- Create your own life! don’t react to whatever comes along
- Respecting your partner. Support your beloved in whatever they do. Honor the uniqueness of your beloved and protect it.
- Defining priorities & performing duties to satisfy those priorities with high sense of commitment.
- Is to perform one’s duties without supervision and without being told.
- The feeling that you can’t disappoint who rely or depend on you.
- Self made man responsible for himself and his family not depending on others in his life responsibilities.
- It’s an ethical ideology or theory that an entity, be it an organization or individual, has an obligation to act to benefit society at large. Social responsibility is a duty every individual or organization has to perform so as to maintain a balance between the economy and the ecosystem. A trade-off always[citation needed] exists between economic development, in the material sense, and the welfare of the society and environment. Social responsibility means sustaining the equilibrium between the two. It pertains not only to business organizations but also to everyone whose any action impacts the environment.[1] This responsibility can be passive, by avoiding engaging in socially harmful acts, or active, by performing activities that directly advance social goals.
- Act appropriate in timely manner .
- Ability to help others – good network.
- Taking ownership of your actions..good or bad.
- Making others just relax knowing that I got their backs
- Family responsibility is an act to give love, provide safety and security to the family, care about there personal and financial needs, help in bringing up the kids and financially supporting the family ” preferable if he can fully support his family financially – taking into consideration other factors”.
- To be able to undertake the burden of making sure that someone is always happy, knowing they could depend on you to always isA make things right
- To deal with hard situation and face without running away .. to keep duties under any situations.
- Be able to act and solve different situation with conscious.
How often do you meet responsible people in your life?
Do you think you’re responsible? *
| Yes | 12 |
| No | 2 |
From a scale 1 to 10 how responsible do you think you are?
| 1 – |
Very Irresposnible
|
0 | 0% |
| 2 | 0 | 0% | |
| 3 | 0 | 0% | |
| 4 | 1 | 2% | |
| 5 | 1 | 2% | |
| 6 | 2 | 4% | |
| 7 | 9 | 18% | |
| 8 | 14 | 28% | |
| 9 | 6 | 12% | |
| 10 – |
Very responsble
|
3 | 6% |
Now question for the readers, what did you read out of those answers? Can you detect any problems?
*I had this question as a yes/no format for couple of days with 14 takers and then had to change it (to the following format) for more accuracy.
