Seeds of Patience – In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah

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If something that is promised does not happen even though the time for it is set, do not doubt the promise! If you do, that will dim your inner eye and put out the light of your secret.

لا يُشَكِّكَنَّكَ فِي الوَعْدِ عَدَمُ وُقُوعِ الم وْعُودِ وَإنِ تَعَيَّنَ زَمَنُهُ؛ لِئَلاَّ يَكُونَ ذَلكِ قَدْحًا فِي بَصِيرَتكِ، وَإخِمَادًا لنِوُرِ سَرِيرَتكِ

It was almost a year ago, I went through a very rough patch, I had to go through an unbearable hardship, actually they were several ones, one after one. I had the world on my shoulder weighing very heavily over my existence and blanketing my entity and I had nothing to lose. And so, I never stopped praying and asking for a salvation.

And I woke up within days only to find it, I had everything I ever wanted just overnight.

But sadly that didn’t last for long, everything was taken back from me, and I got back from having everything to having nothing at all, again. But this time it was harder, I couldn’t bear the idea that I had all that I wanted only for it to slip through my fingers, just like that.

I had my share of shaky faith, I kept asking myself why would allah give it to me when he will take it back? What did I do to deserve it? What exactly would that append but the pain?

I kept on praying, like I did before.

And I got nothing.

And the whys kept showering on me, non-stop.

For a while I felt unheard.

It got me angry at everything.

And it made me stop praying for a while.

I had my strength consumed, my light dimmed, and I had my heart blind folded.

But then a friend of mine shared this aphorism..

If you make intense supplication and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire

لا يَكُنْ تَأَخُّرُ أَمَدِ العَطَاءِ مَعَ الإلحَاحِ فِي الدُّعَاءِ مُوجِبًا ليِأْسِكَ، فَهُوَ الذي ضمنَ لَكَ الإِجَابَةَ فيِمَا يَخْتَارُ لَكَ لا فيِمَا تَخْتَارُ لنِفْسِكَ، وَفِي الوَقْتِ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ لا فِي الوَقْتِ الَّذِي تُرِيدُ

I swear this was like CPR, a life saver, something just revived my soul. I needed that very exact notion to be known to me.

I had to make some thinking afterwards. I needed to put a little more trust in Allah, I needed to know he’s keeping a certain thing for the right time, I needed to stop wanting cause it doesn’t matter what I want or hope for.

He will answer, if not today, it might be tomorrow. If not tomorrow it might be a week from now, a month, or even a year. I stopped choosing for myself, cause every time I did, it tended to fail me, I didn’t have any other option left. I came to the realization that I needed to seize whatever he chooses now for me, and just let him steer and make turns for my life.

I won’t deny it is not easy, it needs constant reminding, it needs deep certitude. It pains me at times, the waiting for that tomorrow that he alone knows when and if it will come at all. At some point I wish I could drown in a sea of certainty for a change, and that desperation might drive me to making some mistakes. But then I remember this verse

“Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” (39:10)

And then I know it will never be in vain.

I still didn’t get my answers, I still have nothing to lose. Nothing but that hope in allah, that he will not leave my side. That he would grant me what I need, eventually, like he chooses, when he chooses and I’ll be there to receive my inevitable answer happily.

“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive.” (2:45)

So tell me, have you ever felt this way before?

Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.

Merit in Affliction – In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah

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When He opens a way for you and makes Himself known to you, then do not worry about your lack of deeds. He only opened the way for you because He desired to make Himself known to you. Do you not see that while He grants gnosis of Himself to you, you have only deeds to offer Him?

What He brings you – What you bring Him – What a difference there is between them!

إذِا فَتَحَ لَكَ وِجْهَةً مِنَ التَّعَرُّفِ فَلاَ تُبَالِ مَعَهَا إنْ قَلَّ عَمَلُكَ؛ فَإنِّهُ مَا فَتَحَهَا لَكَ إلِا وَهُوَ يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَتَعَرَّفَ إلِيْكَ، أَ لمَ تَعْلَمْ أَنَّ التَّعَرُّفَ هُوَ مُورِدُهُ عَلَيْكَ، وَالأعْمَالَ أَنْتَ مُهْدِيهَا إلِيْهِ؟ وَأَيْنَ مَا تُهْدِيهِ إلِيْهِ ممِاَّ هُوَ مُورِدُهُ عَلَيْكَ ؟

The statement of how lord makes himself known to a certain person is so profound and so beautiful. How gracious of him to opt a person out of billions, is worth some pondering upon.

Allah opens a way to know him; this happens in times of illness, or affliction, the author explained. Meanwhile, when a person finds themselves in a scary place they tend to mistake those hardships for punishments from God, but they ought to receive it with appreciation. Cause the reason of opening that door to a certain person is usually for the mere notion of nearness.

One should let themselves experience his grace in times of afflictions. We should embrace the hardships cause they may be a way to know, and be known to allah, even if this comes between one being able to do more deeds. Hence, the duaa

“O Allah, grant reward in my calamity and grant in its place a good substitute” 

Your deeds and actions of worship are not the only window to get to know him — and that doesn’t mean disordering him willingly of course. Allah may grant you gifts of gnosis, knowledge, life lessons, realizations or epiphanies. When he shorten the distance between his favorite slaves, he leaves their soul cleansed and purified. Thus with opening that door one gets the same nearness he strives for.

One of the Salaf, Shurayh Al-Qadhi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“If I am afflicted with a calamity, I praise Allâh for it four times:
I praise Him because it wasn’t worse than it was, I praise Him when He gives me the patience to bear it, I praise Him for enabling me to say al-istirja’ (‘To Allâh we belong and to him we will return’; see Al-Baqarah: 154-156) in hope of a great reward, and I praise Him for not making it a calamity in my religion.”

 Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.

TV crap

I walked by my mother watching TV soap opera to find some girl with messy natural hair, I was impressed by her confidence and my first comment was that’s exactly what every every women embrace. And my mum’s reply was that she’s the low class, a maid or something and that’s why she dresses her hair like that.

I was pissed, pissed at the messages they try to send us; whatever you do you’ll look polished if you’re a high-class.

Life is not easy but we grow up thinking it is and everything around us never fail to dictate the same concept.

Why would TV soap operas portray the perfect families, why would hair product commercials with that straight hair, beauty magazines only give us the the impression how magically their products would “fix” our flaws, the lotion ads with the woman magically turning into a a movie star, that all men chase. The deodorant and the sexy guy model and how he grabs all girls attention and turn them on.

I once hated my hair for not being that straight, I despised my fizzles in the favor of these idea lurking at the back of my brain. I didn’t want to give good care of my own skin or hair just because I was angry at my imperfections.

I blame them for our high expectations.

من العبث

من العبث ان نتوقع حياه دافئه بعد قرار منا بظلم احد في الدنيا
من العبث ان نعتقد اننا اقوي من اي بشر و اننا باقين للابد لنعبث بمقاليد الحكم و نلهو بالسيطرة
من العبث ان نتوقع نتاجا يخالف ما حصدناه
ياليتكم تعلمون كم من الدموع ذرفت عيني، يا ليتكم مدركون كم الألم الذي لم أطقه بسببكم. لا استطيع التعاطف، بل و ادعوا كل ليله ان تعلموا، هذا فقط ما أريده، ان تعلموا أنكم من قذفتم بي في هوه الظلمة و الظلم.