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If something that is promised does not happen even though the time for it is set, do not doubt the promise! If you do, that will dim your inner eye and put out the light of your secret.

لا يُشَكِّكَنَّكَ فِي الوَعْدِ عَدَمُ وُقُوعِ الم وْعُودِ وَإنِ تَعَيَّنَ زَمَنُهُ؛ لِئَلاَّ يَكُونَ ذَلكِ قَدْحًا فِي بَصِيرَتكِ، وَإخِمَادًا لنِوُرِ سَرِيرَتكِ

It was almost a year ago, I went through a very rough patch, I had to go through an unbearable hardship, actually they were several ones, one after one. I had the world on my shoulder weighing very heavily over my existence and blanketing my entity and I had nothing to lose. And so, I never stopped praying and asking for a salvation.

And I woke up within days only to find it, I had everything I ever wanted just overnight.

But sadly that didn’t last for long, everything was taken back from me, and I got back from having everything to having nothing at all, again. But this time it was harder, I couldn’t bear the idea that I had all that I wanted only for it to slip through my fingers, just like that.

I had my share of shaky faith, I kept asking myself why would allah give it to me when he will take it back? What did I do to deserve it? What exactly would that append but the pain?

I kept on praying, like I did before.

And I got nothing.

And the whys kept showering on me, non-stop.

For a while I felt unheard.

It got me angry at everything.

And it made me stop praying for a while.

I had my strength consumed, my light dimmed, and I had my heart blind folded.

But then a friend of mine shared this aphorism..

If you make intense supplication and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire

لا يَكُنْ تَأَخُّرُ أَمَدِ العَطَاءِ مَعَ الإلحَاحِ فِي الدُّعَاءِ مُوجِبًا ليِأْسِكَ، فَهُوَ الذي ضمنَ لَكَ الإِجَابَةَ فيِمَا يَخْتَارُ لَكَ لا فيِمَا تَخْتَارُ لنِفْسِكَ، وَفِي الوَقْتِ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ لا فِي الوَقْتِ الَّذِي تُرِيدُ

I swear this was like CPR, a life saver, something just revived my soul. I needed that very exact notion to be known to me.

I had to make some thinking afterwards. I needed to put a little more trust in Allah, I needed to know he’s keeping a certain thing for the right time, I needed to stop wanting cause it doesn’t matter what I want or hope for.

He will answer, if not today, it might be tomorrow. If not tomorrow it might be a week from now, a month, or even a year. I stopped choosing for myself, cause every time I did, it tended to fail me, I didn’t have any other option left. I came to the realization that I needed to seize whatever he chooses now for me, and just let him steer and make turns for my life.

I won’t deny it is not easy, it needs constant reminding, it needs deep certitude. It pains me at times, the waiting for that tomorrow that he alone knows when and if it will come at all. At some point I wish I could drown in a sea of certainty for a change, and that desperation might drive me to making some mistakes. But then I remember this verse

“Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” (39:10)

And then I know it will never be in vain.

I still didn’t get my answers, I still have nothing to lose. Nothing but that hope in allah, that he will not leave my side. That he would grant me what I need, eventually, like he chooses, when he chooses and I’ll be there to receive my inevitable answer happily.

“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive.” (2:45)

So tell me, have you ever felt this way before?

Read more In the Light of Hikam Ibn ‘Ataa Allah.

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