A Bride In The Making – I

Tags

Arranged marriage, generations gap

مشهد رقم واحد

الأم: حبيبتي جالك عريس

البنت تظهر مشاعر متضاربه و بعد صمت رهيب تقتكر انها المفروض ترد

البنت: مين بسلامته؟

الأم: ده واحد قريب طنط سوسو

البنت: أيوه يعني مين برضه؟

الأم: عريس لقطه بيشتغل في دبي و جاي أجازه و عايز ينجز

 إستفزاز البنت يبدأ و يليه استنكار الأم

الأم: طول مانتي بتعملي كده مش هتجوزي و هو ده اللي عندنا

مشهد رقم اتنين

الأب يحضر النقاش

الأب: ايه المشكله دلوقتي؟

الأم: الولد مسافر و عايز يجي البيت

البنت: هو جاي يتفرج بقه بسلامته؟

الأب: مش داخل البيت قبل ميبقى شافها بره الأول و عنده فكره عنها

الأم: أقول لسوسو إيه؟

البنت: يعني ده اللي همك؟

الأم: انتي طلع عليكي سمعه انك برفضي و خلاص

البنت: أنا برفض و خلاص؟

الأب: فاكره حسام؟ فاكره الواد بتاع اسكندريه؟  فاكره محمد؟

االبنت: و انا المطلوب مني اوافق على أول عريس يجيلي عشان ميطلعش عليا سمعه؟ مش في حاجه اسمها قبول؟ مش في حاجه اسمها نصيب؟

الأب: أه طبعا بس دول ناس كويسه و انتي اللي بترفضي عمال على بطال

البنت: طيب اعملوا اللي انتم عايزينه

يتبع

Marriage – Reality check V

Tags

advice to single people, challenge, divorce, keeping marriage, luck, Marriage survey, reality check, Stephen Covey

Married slice – Part I   |   Married slice – Part II

THEY SAY MARRIAGE IS LIKE A WATERMELON. DO YOU AGREE? HOW SO?
9 didn’t agree – 6 of them agreed that there is signs prior to marriage
8 (3 males+5 females) agreed
interesting answer:
YES I do. especialy if you didn’t exert enough effort to dig deeply and think thoroughly about the behaviour of your spouse and her/his family and its indicaitons.. This needs patience and alertness.

WHAT DO THINK ARE THE REASONS WHY DIVORCE RATES ARE VERY HIGH THESE DAYS?

Interesting answers:

Males

• 1-media 2-marital laws favoring females
• I think the number one is poor communication…Infidelity…change in priorities…Physical, emotional or sexual abuse…sexual problems… and money.
• carelessness
• The internet is making everything available and tempting. People are getting weaker in resisting temptations especially that they can see all what they like on the satellite.

Females

• Because marriage comes easily. Families pay to get their kids married, and our generation didn’t learn what the word “responsibility” means. There’s no room here to elaborate, but I blame those who left their kids behind and traveled just to pile up money in the seventies.
• Because when people search for love and not for life (personal favorite)
• problems most of time need patience and this is not one of our time habits
•  Marriage for wrong reasons from the beginning such as: Marriage because you want to just get married or you become old enough to get married,.. etc
• Choosing your partner for the wrong reasons such as him being rich or her being pretty.
•  Not understanding your fiancee, this is a very important one. In the engagement, we tend to live a very romantic year followed with a year full of arguments about the color of the walls and the design of the living room and we forget to discuss our shared interests , dreams and how we see our future together.
•  Girls wanting to live at the same level (financially) as they were before marriage which is very difficult to achieve at the beginning.
•  Spoiled boys or girls that just can’t be responsible.
• Financial reasons !!!
• Last but not least couples not communicating with each other and not willing to work out their marriage
• My experience men dont realize that marriage isnt just about sex and fun, 2 late they see they wont have time 2 their friends, need 2 work a lot provide for wife, accept their wives mood swings when they r pregnant they see girls be4 marriage always pretty always having a fun time. once u married its not all about that. women might not be prepared too. but as i see it its mostly man who fail

WHEN DO YOU KNOW MARRIAGE DOES NOT WORK ANYMORE?
6 (3 male+3 female) think bad communication
2 (females) think when love and/or respect disappear
2 weren’t decisive.
Other interesting answers:

• When sex stops
• When it is not bringing out the best in you (personal favorite)
• When i am sure that i worked hard enough to let it work but with no avail
• When partners become stranger, when they don’t have to share any dream…

DO YOU BELIEVE THERE ARE PRE-MARRIAGE FAILURE INDICATIONS? EXPLAIN.
12 said yes
1 said no male
1 were indecisive
Interesting answers:

• If there is no harmony between the person and his/her inlaws. This is a problem unless they live away. I know several cases that got divorced because of this.
• If you realize that you really do not have any shared interests. Sometimes, he is great and she is great but they are just not so great together.
• From some experiences, there’re signs of nervous or violent persons shown in the engagement period … people some how tend to ignore it and say it’s a matter of situation not a habit and blah blah
• Poor or Miser person is shown with early signs, while greedy ones do too more like that
• A momma’s boy is a deal breaker! (personal favorite)
• Disrespect, lots of arguments, different values, morals and ethics.

KEEPING A MARRIAGE IS QUITE A CHALLENGE, WHAT KEEPS THE MARRIAGE GOING?
7 (1 male+6 females) think it’s love/hope/the will to be together
7 (2 males+5 females) think it’s understanding
3 (1 male+2 females) communication
5 (3 male+2 female)think it’s kids
5 (all female) think it’s forgiveness/scarification
2 (1 male+1 female) think it’s good sex
2 (all female) think it’s honesty/trust

Other interesting answers:

• The fear of failure
• Sometimes, Distraction. And as Stephen Covey used to say, “the main thing is to Keep the main thing the main thing”
• The desire to continue being together despite all the waves
• Religion

IF YOU HAVE AN ADVICE TO GIVE TO SINGLE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED, WHAT WOULD THAT BE?

Males answers:

• 1-know her first… 2- don’t marry bcoz ur physically attracted to her, unless u sleep with her first… 3- sex desire can hide behind false feelings of love… This false love usually disappears on the saba7eya
• It’s a great and important step we have to get it, so please think twice and act wise.
• Make sure it’s the right one from your point of view.. Not other’s
• do it if u feel u will love it
• Think a million times before you choose.

Female friends:

• Follow your heart and your brain, both… you can’t keep a marriage if there’re no feelings also it can’t continue if there’re no respect or mental agreement and understanding
• Let go of the bad stuff, deal with the important stuff and enjoy the good stuff. And don’t talk about your private issues with ANYONE and I mean NO ONE AT ALL. If you really need help try talking to a therapist, sheikh or someone like that. (personal favorite)
• Think! And take your time. Lust fades and annoying habits get too annoying. If you can see yourself growing old with someone, despite their -say- snoring and horrible mood in the morning, go for it!
• Ensure that you are completely convinced he/she is the one for you
• enjoy your life before its too late, marriage sucks
• You are not Kate Middleton, you have flaws too! Look at the good sides of the person and don’t get busy finding out his defects. He is not a dress. Besides, you can buy the palace later, start with a humble villa first!
• Guys, She does not have to look like Nancy Agram, she won’t be dancing all day. She will be a loyal wife raising up your kids. There are much precious qualities than looks. Good God, how superficial are you !!
• A friend of mine who is a n engineer got married to an accountant and everyone was against this because of the stupid cultural school hierarchy forced by the society, in which somehow the doctor is more valuable than an engineer, an engineer is more valuable than accountant, ..etc. She responded “Eza atakom man tardawho dinan fazawegoh”. She got married at 21 yrs and they live happily in Emirates with their boy and girl.
• In laws, for god sake, stay away and it is not a bargain and you win if you pay less. It is someone that will be family.
• اتقو الله فبعض وجددو نيتكو فالزواج .. هتفرق معاكم اكيد
• Stay together as like couple no less 1 year. Only then get married or not.
• test the person, see if u have the same goals, see if he/she respects u and ur dreams/wishes/decision

Marriage – Reality check IV

Tags

disappointments, dream partner, expectations, experience, love, Marriage survey, reality check, sex

Now it’s time for the final slice of the survey takers: Married

Married slice – Part I   |   Married slice – Part II  

Married takers: 18 (7 male+11 female) 35% of the total takers
Nationality: 16 Egyptians, 1 German and 1 Romanian
Age:

• Male age varies from mid 30s to mid 40s
• Female age varies from mid 20s to mid 30s

Here are the questions they took..

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?
Less than a year        2 (1 male+1 female)
1-2 years      3 females
3-5 years      7 (2 males+5 females)
6-10 years    4 (3 males+1 females)
More than 10 years    2 (1 male+1 female)

HOW DID YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER?
10 said they’re colleagues (school/college/work)
6 said via family or friends
2 said from the INTERNET

WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOUR PARTNER IS YOUR DREAM GUY/GIRL?
10 said yes (3 males+7 females)
5 said no (3 males+2 females)
2 gave indecisive answers (sometimes/maybe) (1 male+ 1 female)

interesting answers:

• I had no dream guy. I always thought that my career comes first and once I establish a great career , I will start in about marriage (at 28-30yrs)!!
• Thought he was but found he isn’t
• No – P.S: Seriously, I never had a dream girl.

HOW DID YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE BEFORE TAKING THE STEP, AND HOW DO YOU THINK OF IT NOW?

Male answers:

• Completely different.. I thought of a soul mate.. I got a bad room mate
• Before marriage: big step we need it all….but we have to think more than 100 times…..after marriage, nothing change
• Big mistake in life:)
• The same. I knew that it got it’s pros & Cons, which is more.. It vary.
• before: useless. after: harmful
• Hated it before I met her . And now I think it was the right choice.
• Before Marriage, I was thinking that its burdens are less that what I discovered after marriage. However, I could adapt to it though it took some time. But now, after my daughter is about to join the university and my kid is as tall as me, I feel really good and satisfied

Female answers:

• First, I was scared of the idea of me leaving my family staying with him alone, and just too damn scared of responsibility, but now I feel it’s a blessing to have a home with the man I loved and to have my own family, house and life the way I want it to be.
• I know it would be hard but not this hard.
• I didn’t think. It was the natural next step!
• I was extremely excited and can’t wait to be with him, counting down till the day comes. I feel I made the right selection by choosing him.
• before: new life, new responsibilities, sharing ur life with ur other half,….after: hard, Stressing, some times i just can’t take it, Some time i wish i did never take this step and wounder how others are willing to get married again.
• In a nut shell what then: I thought is that marriage means that we will share every detail of our life and we will enjoy doing interesting activities together. I understood that it is a lot of responsibility but I believe that I was a very responsible person before marriage so this did not scare me and I felt that responsibility won’t feel hard if you are doing it with the one you love. Now: My idea along (regarding the previous points) did not change that much. My expectations did! but I understand this.
• I dont remember before marraig .. but now i think marriage is a big step u should prepare yourself to handle a huge multiple responsibility
• Before: I thought it’s a kind of cage. Now = I know it isn’t a ”cage”, but contrary it’s a place where people can find themselves ( of course all depend on the right partner )
• I was afraid to take this step but no i’m happy that i took it
• I was married before and knew reality. but i thought HE would be different

DID THAT IDEA CHANGE WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE? WERE YOU IN ANY WAY DISAPPOINTED?
5 (3 males+2 females) said they were disappointed
10 (4 males+6 females) said they were not disappointed

Interesting answer:

• Sure experience has a great influence, what u r through affects u and ur judgments.
• I am sooooo disappointed
• Disappointed might seem a strong word. But to answer your question, It was not exactly what I expected. That does not mean that I am totally disappointed. You learn from the experience, and you cope!
• Its not disappointed, its about missing thing and dont know what is it, but with time i want to be happy so i’m looking for the missing parts

IF YOU CAN GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU DODGE? WHAT WOULD YOU REDO? WHY?
9 (4 males+5 females) said they won’t dodge anything
5 would like to change/dodge somethings:

• 2 said they wont get married to that person.
• would dodge the pre marriage useless arrangements (personal favorite)
• would want some time to know the partner and sleep with her first
• Avoid the partner’s family.

HOW CRUCIAL IS LOVE TO MARRIAGE?
8  (3 male+5 female) said it’s important
4 (1 male+3 female) said it’s important along with many other things
1 female said not important
1 male wasn’t decisive

Interesting answers:

• dunno, never experienced love
• It is as crucial as money to happiness. (personal favorite)
• very important, yet still marriage doesn’t have to be on a big love story, for me even so .. love gets stronger and deeper with life and partnership of marriage.
• Life stresses you and your partner in all possible ways. Under all the pressure, the only thing that keeps us going is to remind ourselves of how crazy we love each other and this what keeps us going!
• I loved him, now i lost my love 4 him. and being with a person that u respect and love like a family member but not like a partner/ romantic just hurts both of us, and keep us stuck in a difficult situation

WHAT WERE YOUR REASONS FOR GETTING MARRIED? AND WHY THIS PERSON?
8 (all females) said love was one or main reason
3 said stability or/and having kids
2 said they want companionship and happiness
2 (males) said social reasons
2 (1 male+1 female) said they find an understanding partner
1 said religious reasons

why him/her:

• he made himself seem to be responsible and ready 2 get married, if i knew he wasn’t ready i would have never get so close contact to be able 2 fall in love
• I could not afford being apart of him, I wanted to be kept inside his hug till the no end.
• I chose her coz she seemed less nekadeya. . Shame on me
• I find my wife pious and conservative in moderation.

ARE/WERE YOU SATISFIED WITH YOUR SEXUAL LIFE?
10 (4 males+6 females) said yes
5 (2 males+3 females) said no
2 females were indecisive
I dont have one. Since i lost my love 4 him i cant imagine a sexual relationship with him

To be continued

Common Sense of the Nonsense

Tags

logic, overthinking, taking for granted

I’m yet to meet a man who actually knows what he’s talking about when it comes to being in a relationship or knowing how to handle a woman. I mean if they actually can handle that, why would they stop ‘the handling’ at a certain point of the relationship, and if they can’t how they manage to get past the first stage of it?

I’m yet to meet a man who doesn’t take his woman for granted, what happened to ‘thank you’s and ‘sorry’s when he knows how much she puts up to his shit? Why would a man think she won’t go anywhere? Do men ever fear if she would look for attention or a better treatment elsewhere? Does it ever occur to them that she could cheat, even emotionally?

Why would men lie? Why would they lie even more when they’re confronted? Why do they always assume they’re dealing with a dumb creature? Won’t they ever see how they’re jeopardizing trust in the relationship?

Why would a man accuses women of over-thinking when they’re not clear or when they just give her what they think she wants to hear instead of the truth. Why would he ever be silent or deny obvious things when she can really see through them. Why wouldn’t he prove that he cares if he does and why would he still keep the relationship going if he doesn’t?

Yes, we over-think, when we don’t have enough obvious, but maybe that’s the problem. Maybe we should start taking things like they seem and stop giving the benefit of the freaking doubt, or be little patient or understanding or whatever.

Marriage – Reality check II

Tags

divorce, dream partner, expectations, fears, marriage, Marriage survey, numbers, reality check, relationships, sexual urge, social pressure

The ‘never been married’ slide (single + engaged + in a relationship).

They represent 61% of the takers, sums up 32 people.

Here are the questions they took..

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET MARRIED?

• 22 (12 males + 10 females) said they wanna get married.
• 4 females gave a strict NO.
• 3 females said they wouldn’t care about marriage per se. But they would, only for the social and cultural restrictions.
• 2 (1 female + 1 male) said it’s not the right time to get married.
• 1 female said yes and no.

Interesting answer:

Yes, because I can’t be king of the world by myself.. that would be boring! I need my queen at my side to enjoy it. More importantly I need her because I can’t make it there on my own.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM PARTNER.

• 7 (4 male + 3 female) have an unclear, general descriptions mostly in their mid 20s.
• 3 males seem to be indecisive regarding having a picture of the dream partner.
• The rest gave specific descriptions for the dream partner.

Interesting answer:
I want a man with qualities that are impossible to be in one person.

HOW DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?

Females answers:

• Family. Kids. Love. Romance.
• It’s a relationship based on respect and mutual understanding. I understand it takes compromises, and a deep sense of commitment.
• A stage in your life that is hard to avoid.
• A sacred bond based on mutual love and respect.
• m3 el zaman … kol haga btet3′yr .. ela howa !! 7ayfdl ganbk wa yt7mlk dh lw kan by7bk bgd !! he will always be there for you )
• Having a life of which you choose and build with someone you want as in theory is kinda fascinating.
• it’s when u willingly choose the person u want to nag and be nagged from for the rest of ur life..happily!
• As a social project.what you give you take and you have always to compromise.
• marriage is an institutionalized relationship.
• Marriage is a partnership that needs effort, patience and constant work to keep it going. It’s not fun, and it’s no fairy-tale. It’s a huge responsibility and requires a good understanding of the person you will commit to, and vice versa.
• It is a bless, or at least it is supposed to be so
• It think of it as an institution that people need to understand that is sacred, and that they contribute the results to the whole universe. It is that big
• The “forever” part creeps me out but other than that, it can be beautiful. Given that the people love each other and are content with each other and not forced into it because of society
• I can’t see myself as someones wife but hopefully someone out there is looking for the unconventional
• A life to be. A pleasure that’s yet to come where I don’t need to reason anymore.
• sa3at bafakar eno kwayes w sa3at ba7es eno 7ayah takledya w roteen zay ay 7ad ya3ni hygebo 3yal w hy7sal mashakel w b3den ytsal7o w momkn mytsal7osh w fe e7tmal n el atfal tetshared w tetla3 m3a2ada … momkn tkon afkary mo3akada shoaya bs dh ely ana bshofo kteeer el yomen dol!
• شراكة على الحلوة والمرة

Males answers:

• Marriage is a different phase of life .. we’ve been always living with our families, we probably all been studying or maybe we started working earlier. The Transition between both phases is the difficult one, I would be responsible from now on, it’s all about responsibility and commitment. It’s the challenge to cross this phase successfully .
• I also believe that marriage, if choices are wrong, can cause irreparable harm. So, one should be cautious.
• besides the social syndrome of being single but marriage should be very interesting but if u really find your ideal partner
• i think it is a good part in life .. that you will not be only one any more
• Nothing special.
• It’s an important part of life and religion, a huge responsibility for both partners.
• شر لابد منه
• It is a very hard thing .. But only the best things r hard
• It’s simply commitment and responsibility of each partner to take care of the other one. Marriage should be fun, happy, relax, cute, pleasure, safe, and to feel content with your partner.
• The prophet described man to life as a traveler going to his destination stopping to rest in the shade of a tree for a mere moment. Marriage is having someone there resting with you, ultimately they could convince you to alter your destination. Make you happy, make you miserable. Not mandatory in anyway. You would make way to your destination with companion or without.Of how to share this rest and journey, people talk about acceptance; I don’t like this talk, it only reeks of low standards. One shouldn’t settle. And as with travelers on a dangerous rode, they should treat each other with respect, help each other, have their separate duties and responsibilities to make it through. And as with travelers and because they are two there should be a leader. Not a dictator, not an oppressor but a leader nevertheless. One that should heed the council of his fellow traveler, one that should put his fellow traveler’s needs before his own but a leader nevertheless. One that would strive to gratify but knows when and more importantly how to punish; For this companionship is very fragile no matter how strong it may seem to be. As hard as it may be but as possible as it may be as well fellow travelers could decide not to travel with each other any more. they may still want to go to the same destination but they got bored of their companion, they got fed up with the tiny little details that they never saw with the pink relationship goggles at the beginning or simply had a change of mind at which case they both have the freedom to walk away.
• it is to start building out life together without interfering of any one neither her family nor mine. i think we should not do everything only because people does like neesh , we can make our lives easier and help marriage if we really get rid of these stuff.
• I think of marriage as a necessary step in someone’s life. It’s wholesome and it encourages us to be who we are, to learn about ourselves and to focus on living life right.I think marriage always makes us closer to God, and it’s important for our happiness.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FEARS OR CONCERNS?

• 7 (3 females+4 males) said they don’t
• 1 said they don’t know

HOW CRUCIAL IS LOVE TO MARRIAGE?

• 20 (8 male + 12 female) think it’s very crucial. They said love is the base of a successful marriage.
• 11 (5 male + 6 female) think it’s not. They said a marriage can’t be founded on just love.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE THE REASONS BEHIND DIVORCE’S HIGH RATES LATELY?

I really like all the answers I got, I guess I’m gonna write about them separately (they can be a book material, seriously)

HOW MUCH DOES SOCIAL PRESSURE PLAY A ROLE IN YOUR LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS?

• Extremely low 4
• Low (1-4) 13
• Average (5-6) 8
• High (7-10) 6
• Extremely High 1

HOW URGING IS YOUR SEXUAL NEEDS FOR YOU TO GET MARRIED?

• Extremely low 1
• Low 4
• High 12
• Average 9

• 3 said they won’t let it control their decisions about marriage
• 1 said they don’t think about that issue because we’re not in Europe
• 1 said they don’t know

HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING, IF YOU WERE MARRIED, WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU CONSIDER A DIVORCE?

• 15 answered with cheating/lying/distrust
• 7 said not being in love anymore/not being happy anymore/not enjoying each other’s company
• 6 gave many answers which can be summarized with ‘wrong choices’.
• 2 said abuse
• 2 said changing partners
• 2 said disrespect
• 2 said boredom
• 2 said if the other partner is giving less
• 1 said lack of communication
• 1 said when families interfere more than they should
• 1 said behavior

Interesting answers:

• cheating, or a difference in opinion that would change the course of my life dramatically e.g. if he tells me i’m not allowed to work and have to stay at home looking after our children.
• ana dyman mo3tkda en madam etnen etgwzo msh y2dro ysibo b3d .. lazm 7aywslo l 7al wasl yrdy el tarfen madam by7bo b3d .. f madam ana ba7bo awy ,.. fekrt el tala2 msh gaya 3ala baly !!
• Disobeying and not doing the role of being a wife.
• If my wife turned out to be not religious enough, or if she gradually lost me as her most important object of focus; which is just another way of she not loving me anymore.

HOW DO YOU EXPECT YOUR LIFE WOULD BE AFTER MARRIAGE?

• 10 expect their lives to be happy/cheerful/peaceful/better
• 8 think it’ll be balanced, hard and challenging in a good way
• 4 think it’s gonna be different
• 3 said they don’t know/depends on the partner (all girls)
• 2 think it’s gonna be tiring and boring
• 2 think it’s gonna be challenging and responsible
• 1 thinks it’s gonna be quiet
• 3 hoped they won’t change, it won’t turn into a routine, and they won’t have to be lonely

DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A RESPONSIBLE PARTNER?

• 14 (8 female+6 male) gave a firm yes
• 11 (7 female+4 male) hesitated, or gave answers like “Maybe” or “Hopefully”
• 7 (4 female+3 male) gave a firm No

DO YOU EVER TALK TO MARRIED PEOPLE? IF YES HOW CAN YOU DESCRIBE THEIR LIFE AFTER MARRIAGE?

• 4 said No (all are single)
• The rest said yes:
  • 11 said that most of the married couple they see are not happy, bored, or miserable.
  • 7 described their friends’ lives with happy, stable or satisfied
  • 6 said they see happy and unhappy couple, it varies.
  • 3 said they change after marriage

Interesting answers:

• Yes, some of them met my expectations (one describes his wife as an angel that god sent him to make him happy, you can tell he is truthful by looking into his eyes or simply by the fact that she is not there when he says that ), some became miserable hopeless creatures with zero ambition that only wants to get the baby to stop crying or hating how their wife looked after pregnancy and thinking of marrying again. Counter to your expectations the one who is happy with his marriage has it alot harder (quality of life wise) than the whiner. It’s all about your attitude, and about thinking as an I or a we.
• yes and i can say 1 out of 7 is happy,the rest either divorced,considering divorce or just in it for the sake of the kids

Marriage – Reality check I

Tags

divorce, Female, marriage, Marriage survey, numbers, reality check, relationships

The more I grow up the more the idea of marriage gets exposed to me with wider aspects. It’s a big issue when you’re my age; family brings it on because they expect us to get married. Married friends complain, and yet urges their single friends to do it. Single friends seem scared they might be a divorce material, or can’t wait to tie the knot. It gets very weird to be in this crazy position where everyday you get to be urged to talk and think about marriage.

And because it’s my first time to think marriage through as a personal experience, I felt lost and not settled. I needed to set my own expectations, and priorities. Cause I found out that a huge part of my mindset is extremely affected by my external environment and my current circumstances, and that caused me unease. I was about to make stupid decisions but I decided I should give myself some time to think.

That’s what triggered the survey. Not to mention my constant curiosity to know more about people and my recent passion regarding social behavior.

It wasn’t only just about the survey, I made some talking with many people who took this survey. I needed to know and grasp more where they’re coming from.
So time to get some numbers exposed…

Total takers: 52

Gender:
42% 22 Male
58% 30 Female

Nationality:
90% 47 Egyptians
4% 2 Iraqi
4% 2 Romanian
2% 1 Egyptian American

Status:
48% Single 25 (15 female+10 male)
11% In a relationship 6 (4 female+2 male)
2% Engaged 1 (male)
33% Married 17 (10 female+7 male)
6% Divorced 3 (1 female+2 male)

Age:
3 are less than 20
5 in their early 20s (20-24)
7 in their mid 20s (25-26)
7 in their late 20s (27-29)
8 in their early 30s (30-34)
3 are between (35-40)
2 in their 40s
1 is above 50

Letters to her #5

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Letters to her

Letter #1 | Letter #2 | Letter #3 | Letter #4

Once upon a time, I was a magnet for jerks, and I declare full responsibly..

Dear girl,

I understand we girls tend to like the bad-ass attitude, the player who can sweep his girl off her feet. We humans tend to go after everything that shines, everything that seems polished as new. We get infatuated, and nothing is wrong with that.

What’s wrong is going after ONLY that infatuation and ignoring other factors. At a certain point in time you realize it’s a mistake, and yet you manage to fall for him even harder. At a certain point in time you find yourself dragged to the unease zone, and yet you manage to stick to the wrong side of the story. At a certain point you realize there is no future and yet you carry on with the relationship.

You ignore what people tell you, you dedicate your life blindingly and mindfulness-less. You know you’re settling for less and yet you find million reasons to stay; be it in the name of love, because of a potential or in the hope of a good future to come.

That’s who we call naive.

He lies and you believe, he cheats and you forgive, you know you’re his mistress and you let him get away with it.

That’s who we call pride-less.

Some girls spend years hauling a guy to marriage, she can forgive all his sins while he keeps on doing them over and over again. They either end up being in a miserable marriage relationship that most likely will end up in divorce or another cheating session. Or he will eventually flee and leave her behind.

Sounds familiar?

Honey, You do that to yourself, you settle for less, you fall for the masculine charm, and the pretty faces. You choose the fame, the money, the car, the fairy-tale that only exists in your head.

When you should have been looking for other things and considering other things to win yourself over or even better – for your future sake – to start a clean slate or to sustain a happy and inspiring life.

Dear girl,

Newsflash: You’re not a magnet for jerks, jerks are magnets for you.

Don’t come back here with a round of whining when you’re all to blame.

و على رأي المثل يا فرعون إيه فرعنك.. فقال مالقيتش حد يلمنى

Letters to her #4

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Letters to her, phobia, Self destruction, The little things

Letter #1   Letter #2  Letter #3

Dear girl,

You know that friend who keeps ranting about her drama and how miserable she is with her partner. You know how she brings that lump to your throat and makes you hate on men, hate on marriage and always get your mood down?

Stop babysitting her and please don’t listen to her.

You know that relationship “expert”, that girlfriend who gives “relationship advises” based on HER experience and what worked in HER cases? Those magic tricks that made her guy fall for her/used in torturing him/used in bargaining and let him get her whatever she wants?

Loads of crap, don’t listen to her.

You know those people who tell you what you HAVE TO do? Regardless what makes you happy and in spite of what makes you comfortable? Those who consume you with expectations and never get satisfied with whatever you might do, like it’s their own business. Who lurk your live as pathetic stalkers.

Those are big no no, never listen to those.

You know those lovey dovey girls who keep posting FB status and photos showing how much they’re happy with their partner and make you wanna puke your lungs out? Might as well make you feel like there is something wrong with your life while we’re at it.

Those are freaking insecure, don’t listen to their messages.

Those men-hater girls. Those anti marriage groups. Those extremist feminists. They’re free to feel whatever towards whoever, but..don’t listen to them.

Dear girl,

Be yourself and never let anyone butts in or tells what to do. Don’t ask around much – just those you trust. stumble and learn. because what meant for you gonna end up with you, eventually.

Do what works for you and only you, what applied before in someone’s scenario doesn’t necessarily mean it will apply here in your case; there are different natures and million cases.

Do what makes you feel comfortable, not what makes others pleased. Because you never will please them all.

Letters To her #3

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Letters to her

Letter #1   Letter #2

Disclaimer: Am not talking to aliens; some girls actually don’t know about this simple, evident issue, and to my surprise some of them are adults with experience.

Dear girl,

If the guy likes you he will either…

• Show it.
• Say it.
• Act upon it.
• Try to woo you.
• Find a million ways to approach you.

If the the guy likes you he will not….

• Send mixed signals.
• Let you wonder about his true colors or intentions.

If he’s yet to do any of the dos and more of the don’ts, he is either..

• Doesn’t like you.
• Doesn’t like you enough.
• He thinks he likes you but he does not.

Dear girls,

stop worrying to death and stop your world from revolving around him. Stop giving him excuses just because you like him or just because you’re insecure or lonely. Live your life normally as it should be and don’t freaking  wait up.

I know it’s easier said than done but you gonna find the right guy, the guy that is meant for you to be with, eventually….and what am sure of, that guy will never let you wonder for so long.

Dear girl,

DUH!

Watch me

Letters to her #2

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Letters to her

Letter #1   Letter #3

Dear girl,

Remember when you were a little girl, all bubbly and having a pinky mindset of your own?
Remember your first crush and how you felt all excited and hopeful about it?

Remember the first boyfriend and how you thought you’ll last forever?
Remember the first disappointment, the first heartache and how deep it’s carved in your heart?
Remember how you got through it and how you wore your scars proudly as trophies?

Remember seeing friends getting places without even slightly scratched or hurt the way you did. And you keep asking yourself, why me?
Remember keep going for more heartaches, and finding pleasure in pain?
Remember insecurities and not-so-cool baggage you held around for so long?
Remember fitting yourself to the single-person comfy bubble, and finding a magical consolation in solitude?

Remember pushing good people away and messing up your relationships, just because you couldn’t trust or believe anymore?
Remember being lost, being apathetic, and taking a stroll in the denial land?
Remember the present that you can’t seem to be able to handle anymore because you’re lost, because your experience made you wiser but wearier, because you’re too emotionally drained to handle your own messes?

Dear girl,

You gonna hit the rock bottom and will rise again when it’s your right time, because timing is everything.