Riddle me this, if someone can sleep their nights soundly knowing they did the right thing. But in another part of the world, another person is out there and happened to lose count of the nights they’re crying their hearts to sleep, because of the agony this former someone caused them, by taking the very same decision, having a clear conscience, making the so called “right” thing (or so they think).
I wonder, how is that working out for them? How righteous and fair is that making them feel? How little do they care about it as long as it keeps them sleep at night? How often do we think about all the tears and the pain we might be causing?
What exactly is the point of having a freewill if every time you make a choice, no matter how right it might feel, you end up making another mistake, you bring yourself the heartache. Yet whatever was written always wins eventually. If predestination is all mapped up and fate is gonna lurk eventually I don’t see any point of my own steering.
Hopefullness pains my heart, it weights my shoulder. I refuse to wait for things to magically solve themselves out. I try my best to accept life as it is. But the more I try the more it daunts me; why can’t anything be better, why everything is so damn complicated? Why can’t I wish for a better morning when mine is below average at best? I’m not looking forward for something fancy or unattainable I just want reasonable. And wishing for reasonable is a luxury I can’t afford. Cause let’s be realistic, nothing normal or reasonable ever happens to me and I won’t live a life hoping.
I guess it’s better wondering why anything is happening than die wishing for things that would never change.
Why do people look for happy endings? It baffles me, cause I always watch out for them, I rather look for sad twisted ones just to feel ok about my life. It’s like I need a tiny something to relate to, a little proof that some people are like me, suffering.
Happy endings make me cry, wail. They make me resent living and just leave me wishing for the fastest way out.
The one time I believed, the one time I was hopeful. When I was looking forward to my happy ending, when I had the freewill and made the right decision, it was the cherry on top of my shitty life, because I met someone who actually cared for a change.